uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
