Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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