the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Edward fifth and chaser hands
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Randomize
