How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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