Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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