I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
