In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I intend to get homeless drunk
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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