And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
