I forgot how hot balto sounded
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
