...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I believe in your delicious
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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