Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
