i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
