All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
