I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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