Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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