My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
