idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
My bed smells like the plague
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
