I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
