dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
