omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
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