So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
