i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
