we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
