Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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