Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
