it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
