and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
