I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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