I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
