Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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