the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
