if you like me you must not know who I am
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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