We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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