I got chris browned last night
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
