all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
