He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
