how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
