I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
