how can u be prego again
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
