I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
