i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
