When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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