my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
