I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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