Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
