I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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