I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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