i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Randomize
