Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
