just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
now i know why i became what i already was.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
