dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
