Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
